Give and Take
by LuminousMinds
Summary: DanStell He gave her his heart. So he took what was his.


Summary:"She made it painfully clear that things could never be this way. But just for tonight, he could pretend."

Author: Lum

Pairing: Danny Messer/Stella Bonasera

Rating: M

A/N: I'm not particularly satisfied with this story, but hey. Maybe you guys will like it? Idk. I just saw the lack of fanfics for this ship and I thought I'd give it a try. Annd I know when you get to a certain part of the story, you'll all be like "WTF why did she do that?" But the point is to leave it a mystery. You can all come to your own conclusions.

As always, reviews would be lovely, thanks.

Now, enjoy.

* * *

_Give and Take_

_She loves me…_

The door chimed as it swung open, signaling the arrival of a newcomer. It was Danny Messer that stepped past the threshold and into the raging chaos that was Sullivan's bar. The mixture of sweat and alcohol immediately assaulted his senses. His cerulean eyes shifted to an icy tint as he perused the small tavern, in search of anyone he knew. It was crowded for a Tuesday night; there were people occupying every bit of space the bar had to offer. Some were having drinking contests, downing as many shots of Jose Cuervo as possible. Others were tripping on their feet as they danced to the tunes coming from the beat up jukebox at the far end of the room. Then there were those who were already extremely inebriated and sang along, albeit off-key, to Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer."

Danny just shook his spiky head, and managed to make his way through the throng of people to sit at his usual spot.

It had started out as just a couple of beers. He figured that was all he needed to numb the pain and make himself forget about everything. Yet as the night wore on, he found he was going to need something stronger if he wanted to completely drown his sorrows.

"'Ey, Johnny!" he rumbled, his hand smacking down hard on the wooden counter for the barkeep's attention. "A glass of your finest whiskey, please. No ice."

The younger man grinned at Danny, and then gave him a nod. "You got it," he replied, swiftly turning away. He returned shortly with a tumbler in his hand, and set it down on the counter. "Here you are, Messer."

Danny said nothing as he took hold of the glass and swallowed its contents at once. Pain twisted his handsome features as the liquid made its way down his throat, and he almost choked. It was like drinking fire. His throat was scorching.

He set the tumbler back down with an annoyed grunt. "Keep 'em coming."

Johnny lifted a thick black brow, somewhat impressed. "Rough day at work, Danny-boy?" he asked as he re-filled the snarky blonde's glass.

Danny pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "You could say that," he murmured.

The bartender left him alone to tend to other customers. Tilting his head back, Danny lifted the cold glass to his lips and downed the liquor in one shot again, instantly warming up his insides. He knew he probably shouldn't be doing this. He knew he had to go to work tomorrow, knew he had an early shift. He knew that if he kept going at this rate, he'd have the hangover from hell in the morning. But the funny thing was he just couldn't bring himself to care.

At the corner of his eye, he spotted a single withered rose sitting in a clear glass vase, half of it full of murky green water. The petals were brittle and black. Rotten like Danny's heart. He reached over with little effort and took it, careful to not prick his fingers on the thorns. Then one by one, he slowly shucked off the petals, his lips just barely moving as he repeated these words.

"She loves me…"

_He walked into the break room that morning, breakfast in tow and saw Stella Bonasera at the far end of the confined space trying, but utterly failing, to curb an impressive yawn. He saw her drag her knuckles across her face to gently rub at her eyes and heard her small sigh of exasperation._

"_You look like hell," Danny declared, a smug grin spreading his lips._

_Stella lifted her head and narrowed her eyes at the snarky detective. "Gee, thanks Messer," she replied sarcastically, plopping down on a seat next to his. "You don't paint a pretty picture either," she snapped at him good-naturedly. _

_He threw his head back, barking a laugh. _

"_You kiddin' me? Look at this face." He jerked a thumb toward himself. "I've got sunshine all night."_

_Stella shook her head, but the corner of her lips still quirked up into a small smile._

_He shot her a sideways glance, still grinning. "Got ya some breakfast," Danny said, nudging to his greasy paper bag._

_Stella's eyes instantly came to life and she shot him a smile that could light up all of New York City. And then some. Overjoyed, she pressed her lips to his cheek for a few glorious seconds before tackling the paper bag, and devouring her meal. Danny's face lit up like a Christmas tree light._

"_Ah, you're the best!" she said around a mouthful of food. "Have I ever told you that I love you?"_

_Danny chuckled. "I don't hear it too often."_

"_Well," Stella said, taking another bite, "I do."_

"She loves me not…"

_He stood behind the glass, watching her. He could see her, just at the start of the corridor. Mac was beside her, with a faint smile on his face while they spoke. She, too, smiled right back. And then her hand reached out to him, caressing his right arm in a soothing manner, her fingers running up and down the sleek fabric of his dress jacket. _

"_You see it too, don't you?"_

_Danny turned around to find his buddy Flack magically appear next to him._

"_See what?" He turned back to the two CSI's before him, making a face. "What's going on there?"_

"_You don't know?" Flack countered, amused. "Oh, c'mon, Messer. You're not a CSI for nothin', are ya?"_

_He saw Stella roll her eyes at the supervisor before landing a teasing punch to his shoulder. Mac gave her a devious smirk, gesturing toward the exit with a nod of his head._

_His eyebrows skyrocketed. "Oh…" Danny said, realization dawning on him. "You mean…"_

"_Yup," Don chirped happily._

_How could he have missed that?_

_The snarky blonde's blue irises were immediately locked on Stella. She pursed her lips in a disapproving manner but they soon spread into a smirk that could rival Mac's. She was enjoying his sudden playfulness. The senior investigator nodded her acquiesce, and soon they were found walking closely together, side by side._

"_They did a pretty good job at hiding it," Flack said. "But even the most cunning slip up every once in a while, eh?"_

"_Yeah…" Danny murmured. He forced a smile, but came out more like a grimace. "That's great. I'm happy for 'em." Lies. All lies, he knew._

"_And it's about damn time, too," Don added, just about to leave. "They've been dancing around their feelings for each other for years."_

_Danny looked on once more. With every small brush of their fingertips, he felt his heart breaking._

He sniffled. "She loves me…"

_Danny fought back a smile as he spotted the object of his search for the last twenty minutes. Actually, now that he thought about, he didn't think Stella would like to be referred as such._

_He found her working diligently in the ballistics lab, bent over a Smith and Wesson 38. Special. She sprinkled the fine black powder over it, dusting for fingerprints. A triumphant smile spread her lips when she retrieved a partial print in the trigger housing, and lifted it, running to the computer station to run it through CODIS._

_Danny entered the room, sidling up to her, eyes fixed on the screen. "What're you still doing here?" he asked. "Shift's over."_

"_Overtime," she replied, typing fast. "Just a little something I've been working on."_

_He leaned sideways against the table. "Third time this week," he noted._

_She narrowed her eyes at him. "What's your point?" _

_Danny raised his hands in defense. "Nothing. Just worried about you, is all. You've been working pretty hard lately. "_

_Her face immediately softened, and she smiled a bit sadly. "There's nothing to worry about, Danny. I'm just fine."_

_Danny stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, I know…I can't help it though." There was a brief moment of silence, and then he spoke again. "Hey, Stell. You got any plans later on?"_

_The curly haired detective pursed her lips in thought. "Not exactly. Why?"_

_The blonde shrugged. "I dunno…figured maybe you'd like to grab some coffee or somethin'? I'm buying."_

_He felt his heart flutter at the sight of her smiling. Her curls were bouncing childishly as she nodded._

"_Actually, I could go for Chinese right now," she mused._

"_Sounds good," Danny replied with delight. "We could do take-out, eat at my place?"_

"_Sure," Stella said, turning back to her work. "Let me just finish up here, okay? Ten minutes."_

_Danny nodded. "Ten minutes," he echoed. "See you then."_

_She stole a glance at him, her emerald orbs sparkling. "You will."_

"She loves me not…"

_The team had gathered in the break room for about a high profile case. Everyone huddled around, watching and listening with rapt attention. Mac sat at the head of the table, as would the head of a family. His lips were moving rapidly, speaking in hushed tones, going into detail about the current case file he held in his hand._

"_Victims were three Uni's from the 1-2, two Caucasian males, one Hispanic female…"_

_At the base of the table, Danny sat, arms crossed, slouching in his chair, rocking it back and forth. His eyes were focused on Mac. He could see him talking. Feel it, even. But the room was dead silent. Somehow he managed block out all sound. Except for the steady beat of his heart, which echoed loudly in his head with every thump._

_He saw Mac pause, and his eyes skittered across the room, until they landed on a certain curly haired detective. A brief smile graced his handsome features before taking hold of his impassive mask once more. It was like lightning. If you blinked, you missed it._

_Danny's jaw tensed and his teeth clicked as he ground them together._

'_How does it feel?' a voice in his head that sounded eerily like his own asked him. "How does it feel to be in love with a woman already head over heels in love with another man?'_

_He clenched a fist._

'_Bet it hurts, doesn't it?' the voice asked again, mocking him._

_He bristled. "Shut up," Danny murmured. Out loud._

_Mac stopped midway into his explanation, and all of a sudden every pair of eyes in the room were on him, surprised. "I beg your pardon?" The senior CSI asked._

_Danny lifted his head up. "Huh?" he asked, perplexed._

_Mac cocked a thick brow. "Did you say something?"_

"_Oh…" he dropped his head to conceal the pink hue that colored his cheeks. "No…sorry. Continue."_

_Another questioning glance from the older man was sent Danny's way before he regained his train of thought and marched on with the meeting._

Then the last petal came off, floating softly in the air in a zigzag pattern, finally hitting the cheap floorboard.

"She loves me…" he murmured, aware that that was not the case.

Pathetic.

Another tumbler refilled. Another one down.

His body thrummed deliciously as the alcohol made its way through his system. He closed his eyes, relishing the burning sensation in the back of his throat, fighting back the tears that came with it.

He looked around the bar then. The party was still going hard, and he suddenly felt out of place with his melancholy attitude. He reached for his wallet and took out a fifty, handing it to Johnny. "Keep the change," he murmured, shifting off his barstool.

The bartender shot him a look. "Just hang in there, Messer," he said softly, polishing his glass with a rag.

Danny gave the younger man a two-finger salute as a goodbye while he made his way toward the exit. The cool air hit him like a ton of bricks, and he had to keep from keeling over. He started down the street until he managed to hail a cab. He gave the driver the address and watched as the bar was left behind.

When he arrived at his destination, he trudged up the stairs of his apartment complex, instantly regretting not taking the elevator. Reaching the third floor, he stuffed his hand into a coat pocket, fishing for his keys.

There she stood. Leaning against the wall by his door. His footsteps came to a halt and he rubbed at his eyes, making sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him.

"Stell?" he said slowly.

She smiled weakly. "Hey."

"What's wrong?" His brows furrowed as he approached her. "Did something happen?"

"Well, I saw how you stormed out of the lab, and I just..." Then the senior CSI wrinkled her nose in distaste as she got a whiff of him. He reeked of whiskey. "Have you been drinking?" she asked, her emerald hues drifting across his being.

"You're deflecting," the stubborn detective deadpanned. "And then you what? What happened?" he repeated.

She shook her head once. "Nothing's happened, Danny."

His features adopted a puzzled look. His brain was a bit foggy from all the alcohol. "I…I don't understand."

She smiled again, gesturing toward the door. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Hmm? Oh. Sure." He inserted the key in the lock, turned it, and watched as the door swung in. Danny entered his apartment, Stella following closely behind him.

He heard the door close as he flicked on the light switch. They were alone.

And before he knew it, her lips were on his.

It had taken him a while to respond since he had been caught by surprise, but when he did, his strength overtook him. Desperately, he clung to her, twisting her mouth to mold perfectly against his and drinking her as if she were the last thing he'd drink.

But something in the back of his mind screamed at him to stop. This wasn't right. She wasn't his, she was someone else's. A huge part of him wanted to ignore it. Yet he knew he couldn't. He suddenly pulled back, breathing labored, blue irises searching hers. "Why…?"

She smirked. "Don't question it. Just act."

And then he leaned in, crashing his mouth on hers in another passionate kiss, letting his tongue taste her soft lips, his own memorizing the feel of hers. He groaned as she reached up, cupping his face, her hands drifting across his spiky hair.

"Stella…" her name drifted off his lips, dripped like pure honey.

He didn't remember how they ended up in his bedroom. He didn't remember how their clothes ended up on the floor. All he could remember was the feel of her, the taste of her, and the smell of her. It was absolutely intoxicating.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered in her ear as his hands slid up her waist, callous fingers memorizing every contour of her body. His hands spanned along her rib cage to cup her lace-covered breasts. Then he reached back, making quick work of removing the flimsy garment by sliding the straps from her shoulders and unsnapping the clasp with ease. She let her head fall back against the wall as his fingers found her nipples. Stella sighed, pressing her palms against his naked chest.

They suddenly fell at the waistband of his denims and she pulled them down, all the way, that the material pooled around his feet. He kicked them out of their way. And he decided he'd return the favor, snapping the button of her jeans off as he slid them down her legs, along with her panties. Danny stood and lifted her by her waist, and her legs quickly wrapped around him as they crashed onto the bed.

He could feel her body shivering with want, with need and he wasted no time feeding that need as he slowly sheathed himself inside her body. He honestly tried to hold back, wanted to bring her along with him as he lost all sense of control and fell over the edge and into that pool of mindless pleasure, but her loud gasps of bliss and the feeling of her body, so tight and hot, enclosing him almost painfully, made that completely impossible and he simply rode his need. He thrust deeply, groaning, holding her as he surged within her wet heat over and over again, his lips sucking and nipping her neck.

"Danny…" she breathed as she was nearing completion, her inner walls gripping him tightly.

"God, yes," he grunted, plunging harder into her warmth, in and out of her again and again, watching her body convulse with every delicious thrust, feeling her hips move against his, only adding to the pleasure.

He kissed her fiercely then and she let out a small hiss as he thrust faster, shutting his eyes as he felt a tingling sensation behind his naval. The change in pace seemed to push her over the edge as well, and she dug her nails into his shoulders as she moaned his name, her tight core contracting hard around him and pulling him over the brink of insanity. His orgasm was swift; its magnitude blasted all thoughts from his mind, and flooded his body with undulating pulses of heat. His body snapped taut as he released himself inside of her, their moans of relief blending together.

Spent, his head went slack, straining to keep from collapsing on top of her. Her eyes were still closed, and her chest heaved rapidly. Bowing his head, he tried for another kiss, but she immediately turned away. He shrunk back, hurt etched in his face.

"This never happened," she whispered. "Understood?"

He couldn't speak. His throat went completely dry. So he nodded, rolling over to the side.

"Good," Stella murmured, the bed dipping as she stood up, retrieved her clothing, and slammed the door behind her.

Laying there, alone in the darkness, he screamed.

* * *

The next time he saw them again, they were in Mac's office. They couldn't see him, but he could see them just fine. That was one of the perks of being a great CSI.

They were talking, and Stella seemed ecstatic about something, while Mac just smiled that beguiling half smile of his. The older man embraced her, and dipped his head for a kiss and Danny could no longer look. It made his heart wrench.

Then he started down the hallway, toward the exit, and into the cool New York night. It would be okay. He knew things could never be this way, she made that perfectly clear. But for one night, he had her. And that was all that mattered.

So Danny walked down the street, free to live out the rest of his life.


End file.
